In many cases when it comes to addictions, the addictive behaviour came as a part of a hurt somewhere in the past of the individual. It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly when or how the individual experienced pain or hurt as in many cases with people with checkered pasts and family lives, the pain and hurt could sometimes be frequent and intense.
Moving past hurt that led to issues can be one of the most difficult things to do when it comes to getting through your addiction and into recovery. Some people have significantly deeper ingrained pain and trauma which leads to them continually engaging in self destructive and damaging behaviour, often resulting from past trauma related to family life, sexual abuse or other acts and treatment they received at the hands of other people at some point in their past. Childhood traumas are particularly difficult to come to terms with for a number of reasons, but particularly because while children’s brains are developing it is particularly easy to plant seeds of self doubt, self hatred and to align being treated poorly with being a horrible individual that is undeserving of love.
Nothing could be further from the truth and those who abuse children in any way (amongst other people, regardless of age) are in fact suffering themselves from similar situations they had experienced as children/adolescents themselves. This can be a really key area to remember when you are moving past your own traumas and past hurt because the development of empathy and understanding why people have treated you how they have is integral to healing, forgiveness and moving on.
Understanding that hurt and damaged people continue the cycles of hurt and damage goes a huge way to forgiving those who have caused you problems. Granted, the time it takes to develop this understanding and way of thinking can be huge, but it’s incredibly freeing and important to think of it in terms of trying to understand other people’s backgrounds and own pain and suffering. This is empathy, and empathy is a powerful tool that helps you relate to the pain and suffering that other people experience and helps you to come to terms with why things happen or have been said to you, which can help you in turn work through your own traumas and begin to heal on deeper levels.
“Anger is like a hot coal. If you don’t let it go, you are the one who is burned.” – Buddha