Many individuals in recovery have lost or hurt friends, hurt family members and the one’s that love them.
While those in recovery shouldn’t dwell on past deeds and feel guilty, since we all make mistakes, it can still be valuable to try to reconnect with loved ones.
It can take a while for people to trust an individual in recovery again, because addicts tend to lie a lot in order to hide and fund their addictions. Sometimes they resort to stealing money from friends and family. For these individuals, it is understandably be very difficult for them to forgive those in recovery, so a lot of patience is required, and sometimes an ex-addict won’t be able to ever reconnect again if they excessively or persistently hurt a person.
Unfortunately, that is something those in recovery will have to accept and move on.
But some people will forgive them.
The best way to reconnect with former loved ones is to start with small deeds: Helping them with their garden, helping them fix something in the house, help someone move to a new house and so on.
It may take time, but gradually they will regain people’s trust and relationships may actually become even more strong and closer than ever.
Ultimately, it is up to the person in recovery to show that they can be trusted and are willing to put the work in to regain a loved one’s trust and love. It can take a lot of work, diligence and patience, but once a person in recovery has forgiven themselves they can work on rebuilding relationships.
One vitally important thing to remember is that they should not expect any reward for working hard at rebuilding a broken relationship: They should consider it more of a debt to paid off and not play the victim. No one is attracted to people who play the victim, because they are wallowing in self-pity: This is totally counter-productive and gives off a distinctively negative energy that people do not like to be around.
It’s best for ex-addicts to see themselves survivors, not victims, and not expect a medal for their achievement from people!
If someone doesn’t want to reconnect with those in recovery, then that is their choice, and something the former addict will have to just accept, as difficult as that may be. But it’s time to move forward, rebuild themselves in anyway they want and forge new friendships.
It can be tough dealing with rejection – no one likes to be rejected – but some people just cannot forgive. In these cases, it’s best to just focus on those that are willing to, and to focus on building new relationships with people, instead of dwelling on it. The past is the past, the only real moment is the here and now.
Love & Compassion
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